My faith story is not one of only conversion of belief but of conversion of heart, body, and soul.
It is for this reason that I feel that I relate to St. Paul (known before his conversion as Saul). He was blind and then he “saw.” I, too, was extremely blind before I saw.
I was a very selfish person who was not any good at being a husband or a father. I wanted only to partake in helping in favors and tasks where I personally could get something out of it. I was always rebellious to authority and most times, due to my demeanor, I would wind up in some kind of trouble, caught in a lie, or hurt someone who loved me.
The pain of what I had knowingly knew was wrong had bottled up inside of me over many years. It made me an angry young man. I had a poor role model growing up and I was becoming more like him every day. Dark, depressed, and every day more self-centered. I hit rock bottom—I had few friends, and my family did not trust me nor believe what I said most of the time.
Where would I go if I lost everything that mattered most to me, my wife and my children? I was the enemy to them. My whole life was wrapped around just one person, ME.
Then, it happened. My wife, who is a “cradle Catholic,” had voiced that she thought we should go to church. In my mind I thought, “Uh nooooo—those people at church would see right through me and what a bum I had been for most of my life. That would be the worst place for me to go; they are holy, and I am NOT one of them.”
My mother, who is also Catholic, tried encouraging me to attend church with her numerous times over the years, and I brushed her attempts off as quickly as I could. No, this notion of being a church goer would have to stew a bit longer in me.
I credit my eldest daughter Ashley, who contemplated coming into the church through RCIA (Rite of Christian Initiation of Adults), as the door that led my heart to the Lord. You see, Ashley also had a difficult adolescent life speckled by tough decisions of consequence—mostly due to my nonexistence as a good father and role model. But, praise the Lord, she wanted to have her son, my grandson, Shawn baptized, and she wanted to be baptized with him in the Catholic Church. I felt the Holy Spirit worked through her to reach me.
Long story short, I enrolled in RCIA with them and my youngest daughter, Cassidy. I somehow found my home which had always been missing. I was welcomed by a church family who forgave and taught me the true meaning of family and my God—who called me to serve and not be served, a vocation which I am discerning. I am being asked to be the opposite of who I was before that baptismal water hit my head. He has completely changed me. Thanks be to God! I was blind and now I SEE.
– Colin Meyer
Editor’s Note: Writer Colin Meyer has entered his third year of diaconate formation through the Roman Catholic Diocese of Boise in Idaho. If it is God’s will and only through His grace, Colin will be ordained in June 2026. Please humbly pray for Colin during this time of discernment. He has asked for our prayers. “I find my strength in my God and my parish,” Meyer said.